Ciarán
Profile
Basic Information
Name:
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Age:
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Ciarán
Aindreas [from birth name, Gilleaindreas Ceàrda]
78
5'8" | 173cm
man
Dark Elf
Enchanter
storyteller
Dark Blossoming
Likes
horror stories, reading, writing, shiny things, high heels, monsters
Dislikes
orange, churches, alcohol, sunshine, large crowds, wearing less than 3 belts
Personality
Cia has struggled with his self esteem for the larger part of his life. He is actively trying to both pretend at and actualize being better towards himself by overplaying his confidence, taking pride in the few things he thinks he's good at, and keeping an optimistic attitude. Instead of dwelling on how he feels like an imposter, he makes the effort to think about things that make him and/or others happy. On the downside, he is kind of just leaving a lot of feelings unconfronted and his fake-it-till-he-makes-it thing can sometimes go overboard into coming across as being full of himself.
Due to his background, he tries to be open-minded, supportive and accepting of others, hoping to encourage this kind of attitude in them as well. He wants to believe in the implicit capacity for goodness in others, lest he fall into a hateful mindset like those who would ostracize him - or yknow destroy the whole world with barely understood forces beyond our control - this outlook is also why he is willing to admit when he's wrong and apologize. he'll genuinely reflect on his actions.
Cia is afraid of rejection and assumes that his true self - or lack thereof at this point - would never be accepted by another person. Among many things, he sees himself as a lying, criminal, sacriligeous, abnormal freak. In order to preserve himself from being 'discovered', he's constantly trying to figure out what others are thinking, often leading to him over-analyze and jump to conclusions because he's so anxious to protect himself.
Ciarán's skills as a mage and storyteller are all he has; he places all of his self-worth on his ability to perform well. If outperforms him, he'll feel threatened and become jealous and competitive. He tends to worsen a situation for himself by hesitating to ask for help when he needs it, out of fear of seeming incompetent and useless (imposter syndrome hits so hard boyeee). Outside of these, Ciarán is lacking in other life skills since he ran away at such a young age. He doesn't know what he's doing a lot of the time, but if anyone asks he pretends he totally has it together, which often leads him into sticky situations. And when things go horribly wrong, Cia tends to retreat into his own world of fantasy and books. Well, he tends to do that when he's lonely too. So like, all the time, I g
History
Born Gilleaindreas Ceàrda, Ciarán’s mother came from a family of silversmiths, and eloped with a man her family didn’t approve of. Concerned for his sister, Ciarán’s uncle located her; but her lover was nowhere to be found, and instead a child was with her. Seeing she’d turned to drug use in her depression, and had been neglecting Ciarán, her brother seized custody of Ciarán. Ciarán’s uncle hoped to get his sister rehabilitated, but the loss of her child worsened her mental state, and she lethally overdosed.
Without many memories of his mother, Ciarán’s aunt and uncle filled in the position of parents. He grew up alongside their daughter, and the two got along.
Like the average Relan family, Ciaráns family diligently practiced religion. It wasn’t an issue for Ciarán until he hit puberty and started noticing girls…and boys. He had no issues with his gender, but he found himself interested in some aesthetics traditionally considered feminine.
Ciarán turned to Atros for help, but nothing changed. He grew disgusted with himself, and fell into self-loathing.
Closeting himself, he started to avoid socializing to keep from being discovered. Reading overtook other activities as he poured more of his time into it, remaining hidden in his room or secluded places. Ciarán fixated on the fantasy genre, which provided escape from his undesirable situation. He sketched interesting concepts from his books and practiced forming them into illusions.
Ciarán’s sister started to question him. However, she didn’t have anything concrete to confront him with. Ciarán eventually made the mistake his sister was waiting for.
While no one seemed home, Ciarán let his guard down and tried on his sister’s new dress shoes. His sister walked in on him. From her expression, no excuse Ciarán came up with would be good enough. Ciarán had difficulty approaching his sister after that - the more he tried to explain, the more she responded with contempt. His self-worth declined all the more. She began to actively voice her disdain in front of their parents, making every moment with his family all the more stressful for Ciarán.
It was only a matter of time before his sister gave it away, if someone else didn’t find out first. Rather than experience that nightmare and have the entire town find out, young Ciarán packed up and fled at the first opportunity.
Since illusion magic was the only real skill he had, he combined it with his love for stories and tried to scrape by as a traveling storyteller. The first several years were rough, and he often struggled to motivate himself to keep going. Ciarán kept working on his skills to get by, and eventually realized he had a talent - enough to run illusionary services on the side. He grew to enjoy the job - it was one thing he could be proud of, and he naturally developed a persona for the performances. He changed his name to a simple alias, hoping to keep his past to himself. While the praise from his audiences lifted him, Ciarán never forgot how he’d be treated if they knew his true nature. He resolved to keep traveling before he became too familiar in any one place. Feeling like an outsider to Relan society, he wondered how genuine anyone’s kindness was if it could so easily change to hatred and disgust. Even so, he resolved to treat those around him with genuine kindness, and spread stories to influence people to change their perspectives.
Ciarán spent his days like this, fighting off his loneliness and figuring he didn’t deserve to hope for more anyway.
During a stay in the capitol, a man made his way into Ciarán’s inn window one night, disheveled and out of breath, sporting injuries. The situation was clear enough - Ciarán couldn’t just do nothing. He glamoured the man a disguise and the man was on his way.
The man later returned as a customer for high quality glamours several times, making brief conversation once the two became acquainted. After a while it was clear Ciarán was carefully trying to piece together information about him without asking too much; the man’s occupation had caught his interest, and Ciarán seemed eager to offer any ‘extra help’ if needed. Eventually he revealed himself as a QA and recruited Ciarán.
Despite feeling disconnected from society, Ciarán cared about Reluir. This was his chance to redeem himself.
Lacking housing, Ciarán moved in with his mentor. A hardened man of few words, he didn’t ask much about Ciarán, focusing on how well Ciarán could perform. Providing Ciarán a sense of direction and acting as the only constant in his life, Ciarán grew attached to his mentor; in his softer moments, he seemed almost familial to Ciarán. The two were content not to pry into each other’s lives beyond their own involvement with each other, and had a relatively comfortable distance.
All of this was intentional. If this continued, no one, not even Ciarán, would ever know his mentor was his father. For years he’d kept track of his son, but as Ciarán struggled he couldn’t risk helping him, to keep Gillroy from finding out. Even as a QA, he couldn’t risk being too affectionate with his son.
Ciarán was recruited ~30 years ago, starting out with surveillance jobs and eventually supporting his mentor on missions. Now two years an official member, he also glamours items for the QA, and tags along on missions to provide illusory support.
Ciarán dreads the possibility of an assassination job, but he’ll to do whatever he can to be useful, especially when he owes so much to his mentor.
Current Story
He flips his hair glamorously as he thinks ab it, walks up and leans over the counter to the receptionist and says, "Hi, I'm peeing 11 times a day?"
Beginnings 8293 probably
Adabrene poison is unnecessarily cruel people die when they are killed
Ambition: Cia runs into a familiar face while trying to find some Dark Chests of Wonders. It's Isobel, someone he is so happy to see alive - and so conflicted to see on the other side. Not knowing he is her enemy, she gives him aid and, worst of all, kindness. It twists inside of him like a knife.
Anyway Vantablack Mr. Spooks is terrifying what have we done
Lorna’s disappearance shocks him but strikes a chord (ayyy runaways lmao)
________________________________________________________
Coins 8294
Dynasty - Discontent with Queen is perhaps necessary for change, which Reluir could better itself from. Besides, royals come and go - QA stays, even if it changes form. Ciarán better understands what loyalty means to him from this development.
Playing Gods - He had committed himself his duties, because they were what he bound himself to. Even if he was on the wrong side of history, he thought it more responsible to see his role through to the end. It was the only life he knew, and after all. But more than monarchs and gods, he believed in Reluir and its people. For him, he served Reluir, and that duty would continue regardless of the Queen. Nonetheless, Ciaran knew by the time of uprising that Reluir as they knew it would end - but he had no idea how right he'd be.
It all returns to nothing
it all comes
tumbling down
tumbling down
tumbling down
Shadow of Atros: Ciaran has nothing left but hope. And Stitches!! \o/
And he clings to both. He make sure to be useful to Stitches, so as not to be left alone. He wouldn't be able to bear being alone (and probably dying of hypothermia). Having lost contact with everyone and everything else, Stitches is the only familiar thing he has - and the only remnant of the only thing that ever gave him a sense of belonging...
It isn't friendship. He knows that. But it's enough to make him happy. After all, he's learned to gain happiness from any little thing in the absence of more substantial means.
... Hey why did his mentor sacrifice his life to protect him when the country was falling apart and use his birth name to call out to him haha so weird almost like that was his dad or something
let's pack that away for now. let's just. let's peel some potatoes,
War of Ancients: Cia's insides and his nails turn black. he feels the urge to go to the DARK FATHER but perhaps it is his long history with dads disappearing from his life, but he manages to resist Problematic Papatros
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Paths 8295
Ciaran has remained with Stitches, traveling south together. Despite everything, Ciaran cannot hate Reluir and still can't bring himself to think of leaving. For now, he'll hold on to hope, believing that this is now the chance for him to help make a Reluir that is better and kinder than the one before it - he'll protect that peace with red knuckles, if he has to.
Additional Info
he is totally that person who keeps tossing their bangs out of their face
His pipe is not for smoking but for creating fog/mist, which he uses as a casting medium as a storyteller (performance aesthetic). Not sure if he has the opportunity to use that as much for QA duties but he prefers to use it when he can. It's more immersive for the crowd, and for Cia, he doesn't have to see everyone's faces so it eases his nerves.
Ciarán chose his name because it can also be Iadlish, implying he could be from somewhere else and leaving his origins more ambiguous. It also felt appropriate to him as someone who felt he didn't belong. The meaning itself is almost impersonal when used as a proper name, as if he doesn't deserve to have a true name at all - because there is not enough of a person there under the mask, to him.
During his time as a QA, he was primarily used for stealth and support jobs. He has had to do some sinister things, but whether or not it gets much worse I never got to dwell on. after being recruited to the QA, he received basic training for stealth and scout tactics [Scout peripheral]
Ciarán dreams of friendships and close comeraderie like that of which he read in his many books. He knows it's impossible for him, but his emotional experiences with the stories were real, so he is at least comforted knowing those characters and memories are real to him.
has enjoyed sketching since he got really into reading, as he would sketch out concepts of elements from the stories he read, and sketch out concepts for illusions he wanted to develop
Those who have the Mah Wife! site badge have gotten into wacky hijinks scenarios with Cia.
I've been asked about this before, so to be very clear, Cia is cisgender but just happens to be pansexual, and happens to like some clothes and things that are traditionally associated with women by Reluir standards
when I was first writing the backstory and for years after, I always struggled over the big catalyst for Cia running away. I thought, "is it really okay to be over a pair of shoes? it's kind of dumb". But I've since had friends whose sexuality and gender identity were verbally called into question by their own family members for less. Family members who, if they received an honest answer, would leave my friend without a family or a place to live anymore. I've seen a whole world of 'dumb' thinking like this. Sadly, it's true to life and now I'm more surprised the sister kept it to herself for so long.
